I have this problem.
It is probably not worth blogging about, but still, this my blog and I'm pretty much in charge here, so there.
The problem is with a certain discount big box retailer that has these United States by the um... tail. And, so that my family is not put on some sort of "watch" list for mentioning this problem right here on the world wide web, said big box retail store shall be referred to as "All~Mart" for the remainder of this post.
You see, there are pretty much three categories of people; those that love All~Mart, those that hate All~Mart and those that hate All~Mart but have no choice but to shop there. Until today, I could only understand categories two and three.
The reason I could only identify with the haters was because I had never been to a pretty All~Mart. The All~Mart in my home town is not pretty. The All~Mart where I went to college is not pretty. The All~Marts in my favorite 3 beach towns are not pretty. The All~Mart in my favorite mountain town is not pretty. And, you may have guessed this by now, forgive the redundancy, please sir, the All~Mart near my modest home is not pretty.
Today, I was feeling kinda feisty and wanted to expand my horizons and those of my children, so we went to a different All~Mart. Please don't be jealous, everyone must have cultural experiences. We traveled to an area that I had heard tell of. It was a land where a pretty All~Mart supposedly stood. And I feel it I owe it to my readers to inform you both, it is absolutely true.
The parking lot was not littered with used diapers, wayward shopping carts or fast food bags full of left over, discarded greasy boxes.
The greeter was friendly and offered both PrincessGirl and LittleMan a bright yellow sticker. The shopping carts seemed to each have four working wheels and one working seat belt.
I had a return to make so I had the privilege of being promptly served with a smile at the customer service counter.
The products were of a slightly higher quality than those of the not pretty All~Marts I was accustomed to. The displays were all neat and orderly.
My children seemed to sit up a bit straighter and did not yell at one another or grab at shirts from the rounders. Speaking of the rounders, I witnessed an associate hanging and organizing the garments in the ladies department.
I was greeted in a friendly manner by the check out lady and upon our exit PrincessGirl and LittleMan both earned another yellow sticker.
You may be thinking, what is the problem? You may be thinking, where is this All~Mart of which she blogs? You may be thinking, she has lost her mind, surely she is not speaking of an actual All~Mart but rather one she dreamt about last night.
I am telling you the truth.
And now the problem.
The pretty All~Mart is not in my neighborhood. It is not even in a neighborhood that I'm likely to ever live in. I drove around one neighborhood when we left the All~Mart because I was seriously thinking about moving so I could be closer to this All~Mart. You see this All~Mart is surrounded by homes that are almost one million dollars.
Dear Mr. All~Mart Store Location Decision Maker,
I am speaking on behalf of my middle class self and three or seven of my middle class friends when I ask you to please consider putting one of your pretty All~Mart stores in our middle class neighborhood. We promise to return all shopping carts to the shopping cart stalls, not throw out our dirty diapers in the parking lot and never allow our children to heelly skate around on your pretty All~Mart faux wood floors. We will take care of a pretty All~Mart if you will do us the honor of putting one near by. I can assure you that if you trust us with a pretty All~Mart, we will do our part to rid this nation of all All~Mart hate.
Thank you for your thoughtful consideration.
The Mommy
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
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14 comments:
Here's the text I sent a friend today after leaving my local All-mart: " ***mart is ghetto" and she replied by text: "Duh".
We don't live anywhere near the pretty All-mart. And now I kinda wish I didn't know either....but I did love the story. :)
Write a petition and I'll sign it, con mucho gusto!
Sara
Sara,
I love how you use your Spanish skilz on Cinco de Mayo. Thank you for your willingness to sign a petition. I have not started a petition since 6th grade when I really thought it was inhumane to make us climb from the basement to the third floor in between classes in less than 4 minutes but I bet I've still got what it takes to get one going. I'll let you know when I get one drafted.
It might be worth the drive!!! You'll have to fill me in on the location.... Although, my children may not be allowed in this All-Mart!
For some reason, I still think you would have made an excellant attorney.(BISD is lucky to have you on their team) I really want you on my side on any debate. You will have to check out the newly remodeled All-mart store in your hometown. If they ever finish this undertaking, it should be better. Now if they would only hire more than 3 checkers for the 29 check-out isles they offer.
Cookie
HAHA! Your next mission is to find a clean Chicken Express.
Are you sure you weren't shopping at Target?
Oh yes, I was always in the category of All-Mart hater. Then we got a new one in Flo-Mo. It has wood floors. It has clean aisles. It has nice people. There is never a wait. I love it.
ok, is this AllMart you speak of happen to be on the corner of North Tarrant and Davis? Because if that's the case, those are NOT million dollar homes:) good news for you...you might could (yes, I said that) get you a house around there...my aunt and uncle live close and they paid $350 for their house, no not 3hundred 50dollars...I do love that allmart...although most I do not...at all...period. I usually go to that AllMart...it doesn't make me angry...good post!
REALLY? Angie? The neighborhood I drove through had only 3 homes for sale with "take one" flyers and none of them were less than $750K. I was too sad to drive through any of the other areas. I may have to inquire further. That All~Mart was so amazing!
Yes, as I was reading your post I knew instantly that it was the All-mart at N Tarrant & Davis. On the RARE occasion that I go into that dreadful store, I will drive way out of my way to go there. You see, it is worth my time and gas to drive to one where I don't feel like I need to down a bottle of wine just to continue one more isle.
In the land where I come from, they load up busloads of folks & drive them to casinos throughout the whole state for entire days of gambling/entertainment/activities/sight-seeing/what-have-you. Maybe you should consider spearheading such an endeavor to this glorious locale.I'd be willing to greet people & record names as they board....
OK, Jenn, you would go South on Davis and turn at your first left after North Tarrant...Thornbridge or something like that Estates...in there...nice nice houses...obviously WE can't afford those...but I can always dream:) (and by we, I mean me)
OK - I have high hopes of the new era all-mart. Ours has been under construction for remodel for way too long! In fact when you go in you see a sea of zombies with confusion all over their faces just hoping to stumble across the toothpaste aisle. The staff is too busy moving shelves and stocking/emptying shelves to help you find what you need. I can only long for the day when I'll step foot in the Luxury All~Mart! As your previous post mentions - It is good to have goals! :-)
ok I love the post but even more I love to find out that your class was the one to transform central six into what it was when I was there. All classes on one floor for 1/3 of the students on each floor. Cool!
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