Adventure, Discovery, and a Call to Arms!

Hi there. DaddyMan back for another guest post.

So, we went camping this weekend. Yep, we went camping last weekend too. We would go camping again next weekend, but that is Memorial Day and things tend to get too crowded for our taste so we have snobbily labeled all major Spring-Summer-Fall holidays as "amateur weekends". The real truth is that we would love to go, but are afraid to commit and reserve as far in advance as those require. But, I digress as I will often through this excessively lengthy post.

You see, Wife and I are campers. We are really good campers. We graduated to pro status before the children were even born. We are trailer campers now and have been ever since that wind and hail storm around Quanah when we were leaving the camp and stuff behind at 0230 and Wife said that she would never sleep in a tent again.

I am thinking of obtaining a sponsor now that we are professionals. Some times, I actually believe that I could win at least the North American camping championship if not the World title. I know that the tournaments are fierce, but I could be a contender.

I picture myself in Tiger Woods fashion with the announcer in the background...

"The crowd goes silent as A dreary and bleary eyed DaddyMan has just exited the camper wearing yesterday's shorts and flops. It appears that he is scratching a mosquito bite on his Shamu white belly and just stumbled on a pebble as he has forgotten to put on his glasses with all the pressure this morning. Wait... It appears that he has just discovered a piece of chicken from last night's spectacular meal still stuck in his two day stubble. "Right you are Bob, and how delicious that memory is..." Looks like he is headed to the cooler... "Bob, what do you think his choice will be? Milk, water, what else could be in there?" OHHHH! Looks like a Diet Coke and a Dr. Pepper!!! Wife must not be going for coffee this morning and the kids must not be awake yet!"

Anyhoo, that continues for a while, but I will not.

The point to my professional career - whoops excuse me again. I know what you are thinking. You think that the "Park Hosts" are the professional campers. You would be wrong. Those guys are simply the R&D team for the professional campers. You seldom see the pro teams out like that. Their schedules are much too busy. It's much like rodeo and Nascar. They have to fly from campsite to campsite and make appearances at All~Mart and Camping World. Most of the time their sites are stocked and ready to go via their "camp crew". Camp Crew Chief is not a bad gig either, but I think there are some genetic qualifications involved.

The point to my professional career, or rather the thing that is keeping me back is that I am seriously too much of a weenie to camp without my A/C. I'll give my sweat and blood for camping the other 16 hours of the day, but for my solid 8, I am sleeping at 70 degrees or less. I firmly believe that if I am as good a camper as I think I am, I should be able to get sponsored by someone with thermo in their name. Or... Maybe... an electricity company. OK, now I'm thinking.

OK, so all of that you just read? That was the preamble. Told you before there were a lot of words coming...

Now you know we are campers and that we went camping. Let me tell you about that part. We went to Lake Arrowhead State Park. I can sum it up like this. It has all the snakes, ants, spiders, and mosquitoes of Caddo Lake (on the LA (that's Louisiana for our big city friends) border) with none of those pesky tall trees, swamp, and shade that usually accompany such camping delicacies Not to bad-talk, it has coyotes, armadillos, beavers, racoons, beautiful flowers, and PrincessGirl added 5 new birds to her checklist. None of the sites are close to water (not always a bad thing), none of the sites are bad, none are spectacular (no need to always wish for that perfect site)!, and an official prarie dog town - bonus points. I really like the wagon wheel layout as it makes it seem less crowded. Lake Arrowhead facility & trail map The fishing looked awesome as people were pulling in cats, nice blacks, and good crappie stringers. The fishing piers are super nice and packed daily. Ditto the boat ramps. The swimming beach was adequate, and the facilities (a.k.a. poop house) were really nice.

Griffin got his first really good and bloody skinned knee and breath knock-out, Wife got bitten or rubbed against something (bug or bush of doom respectively) ferocious as she had a blister the size of Puerto Rico on her shoulder, I got a splinter a full 1.5" long on my arse. THAT is what makes the memories. I am sad that Karsen doesn't have any really good memories from the trip, but enlighted by the fact that she does not have a face-scar from it.

The point of this trip was a maintenance trip. Lesson/Tip #1 - Even in N Texas you need to winterize. I blew a faucet and cracked a second toilet valve. So we fixed all of that and cleaned up some other stuff. READY for the 2009 season!

I am getting to the meat (no pun intended) of this post so here we go. We have a camper with a three burner stove, an oven, a ceramic toilet and a microwave. There was no reason for us to learn how to cook "out of doors" because it is like our house in there. Call to arms #1. Dude, if you have ever camped, ever cooked, ever eaten anything out of doors - you owe it to yourself, your family, and Lewis and Clark to take a C-note down to the All~Mart, Dick's Sporting Goods, Bass Pro, or Cabella's and purchase your weight in cast iron. A little history with which to tempt you with is that the only manufactured goods returning with Lewis and Clark were their guns and their cast iron pots.

There are two items I am about to reveal. First and foremost is the 12" 6 Qt dutch oven. - the one with the legs and rim on the lid Second is the pie iron. Both are loved by our friends the Willis', but with which we were unfamiliar in a camp like setting. I tell you now friends and people, go and get yourself some of these. Do not wait as after this post I am sure they will sell out WORLDWIDE. While you are there, get an official charcoal starter - it seems like an extravagance, but is worth its weight in gold. Everything else you can make due.

Time is up, here is the hard hitting truth. It might be a good idea to practice on canned biscuits, but you do not have to. Take your pre-seasoned dutch oven out of the box and make this . There is nothing else needed. You WILL be SOLD from this one recipe alone.

So that night, we built a fire. A big roaring fire. Karsen built the perfect one match fire. I asked her where she learned it and she said from the book we read her. I have no idea what she is talking about, but I would like to listen to that book as it was an amazing one match fire. I could have started it with the spark from our fire starter it was that good.

Our take for supper was fajitas. So fajita meat, the accutriments, and tortillas. Pile these in a pie iron and cook over fire. Now that is delicious, amazing, and wonderous! For some reason, the bread works even better - more later.

For the next trick, I call on "pudgie pie". There is no link, because everyone thinks theirs is the original - no exception taken. I remembered someone's choice for butter bread on outside, spread peanut buter inside, add chocolate and marshmallow and cook. I am not sure what happens inside of that cast iron clam shell, but this thing is something like a cross between smores and smack. The bread turns into amazing deliciousness instead of just toasted bread. I do not know how to describe. It is too decadent to even speak of outside of that mysterious camping world. I am just saying that pie irons are something I am seriously remiss that I have not owned for nearly 40 years. It's just something you have to see for yourself.

OK, back to the dutch oven. The pizza cleaned up in a breeze. Easier than bacon grease and egg smut on my indoors pans. This morning I whipped up a German Pancake. I cannot tell you what this is - we didn't know and still don't. I cannot discribe it without pictures of which I have none. I can only tell you WOW! You must experience it yourself. The cooking and the enjoyment are things that I want you to experience for yourself and do not want to ruin the surprise. I will recommend that you put a skillet of bacon on top of the pancake to cook.

Again, the clean-up is easier than from a burrito breakfast. Even cooked eggs fall off of well-seasoned cast iron.

The prelogue is long, the body is longer, the ending is short. So may it be. This weekend I realize that we are not the ultimate campers. But at least we now have the tools to become so - watch out pros. We are coming for you!

I urge you. Go! Now! Go for your sake, go for food's sake, go in rememberance of Lewis and Clark and all the delicious Oppossum stew they may have enjoyed!

PS. Can anyone identify this? It was delicious and buttery, but I have been feeling a little odd since the mushroom burger.

I Wish I Didn't Know

I have this problem.

It is probably not worth blogging about, but still, this my blog and I'm pretty much in charge here, so there.

The problem is with a certain discount big box retailer that has these United States by the um... tail. And, so that my family is not put on some sort of "watch" list for mentioning this problem right here on the world wide web, said big box retail store shall be referred to as "All~Mart" for the remainder of this post.

You see, there are pretty much three categories of people; those that love All~Mart, those that hate All~Mart and those that hate All~Mart but have no choice but to shop there. Until today, I could only understand categories two and three.

The reason I could only identify with the haters was because I had never been to a pretty All~Mart. The All~Mart in my home town is not pretty. The All~Mart where I went to college is not pretty. The All~Marts in my favorite 3 beach towns are not pretty. The All~Mart in my favorite mountain town is not pretty. And, you may have guessed this by now, forgive the redundancy, please sir, the All~Mart near my modest home is not pretty.

Today, I was feeling kinda feisty and wanted to expand my horizons and those of my children, so we went to a different All~Mart. Please don't be jealous, everyone must have cultural experiences. We traveled to an area that I had heard tell of. It was a land where a pretty All~Mart supposedly stood. And I feel it I owe it to my readers to inform you both, it is absolutely true.

The parking lot was not littered with used diapers, wayward shopping carts or fast food bags full of left over, discarded greasy boxes.

The greeter was friendly and offered both PrincessGirl and LittleMan a bright yellow sticker. The shopping carts seemed to each have four working wheels and one working seat belt.

I had a return to make so I had the privilege of being promptly served with a smile at the customer service counter.

The products were of a slightly higher quality than those of the not pretty All~Marts I was accustomed to. The displays were all neat and orderly.

My children seemed to sit up a bit straighter and did not yell at one another or grab at shirts from the rounders. Speaking of the rounders, I witnessed an associate hanging and organizing the garments in the ladies department.

I was greeted in a friendly manner by the check out lady and upon our exit PrincessGirl and LittleMan both earned another yellow sticker.

You may be thinking, what is the problem? You may be thinking, where is this All~Mart of which she blogs? You may be thinking, she has lost her mind, surely she is not speaking of an actual All~Mart but rather one she dreamt about last night.

I am telling you the truth.

And now the problem.

The pretty All~Mart is not in my neighborhood. It is not even in a neighborhood that I'm likely to ever live in. I drove around one neighborhood when we left the All~Mart because I was seriously thinking about moving so I could be closer to this All~Mart. You see this All~Mart is surrounded by homes that are almost one million dollars.

Dear Mr. All~Mart Store Location Decision Maker,
I am speaking on behalf of my middle class self and three or seven of my middle class friends when I ask you to please consider putting one of your pretty All~Mart stores in our middle class neighborhood. We promise to return all shopping carts to the shopping cart stalls, not throw out our dirty diapers in the parking lot and never allow our children to heelly skate around on your pretty All~Mart faux wood floors. We will take care of a pretty All~Mart if you will do us the honor of putting one near by. I can assure you that if you trust us with a pretty All~Mart, we will do our part to rid this nation of all All~Mart hate.
Thank you for your thoughtful consideration.
The Mommy

It's good to have goals!

I talk a lot to PrincessGirl. She has a lot of questions about certain things. I try to be as honest with her as is age appropriate. She is very interested in the price of things lately. For instance, the other day, she asked me how much my car cost. "Did it cost $1, Mommy?" Nope, more than one. Not sure she would really understand values much beyond those she could count (100 is her highest), I told her my car cost 30 dollars. Thinking that in her perspective, 30 would be a lot. She then asked me why I wasted so much money on our crashed up car. If you don't know what I'm talking about, read this.

PrincessGirl loves little prizes. (Go with me, I'm going to tie all this together soon.) When we go to Target, she gets to pick a little prize out of that $1 section. I was beginning to suspect that she was spoiled or a little ungrateful because she had grown to expect a prize anytime we went somewhere. So the other day when she asked for a little prize, I asked her if she had any money. She looked at like me like I was crazy and said no. I reminded her she had a bank full of money at home. I went on to tell PrincessGirl that if she wanted that toy, I'd buy it for her, but she would have to pay me out of her bank when we got home. I was just going to have her give me 3 quarters. I figured that was fair because it was like trading for a Sonic Dr. Pepper during HappyHour.

Again, PrincessGirl looked at me like I was crazy. (Maybe that is what we ought to work on instead of gratefulness.)

She proceeded to tell me that the money in her bank at home is for her to buy a Slugbug when she is a grown up girl. She may have $37 in that bank. Working with the information she has, (Mommy's car costs 30), it looks like she'll have enough to drive her Slugbug through Sonic, pick up a drink and get a little prize or two at Target. It is good to have goals.